Titan of the Hill
by grandvizier527
Summary: Due to some bizarre Rift Gate activity, the trio finds out that all the Mutradi monsters are landing in Arlen, Texas, instead of Sherman. This causes them to move into Rainy Street. Dale Gribble is naturally suspicious of these new neighbors and instantly assumes they're aliens-except he's right this time! This isn't canon to the rest of my "episodes". Currently on hiatus.
1. Chapter 1

It was a quiet evening in Arlen, Texas. At the Hill residence, Hank and Peggy were setting up dinner. Once again, it was Peggy's "specialty": SpPeggy and Meatballs. Basically just ordinary spaghetti made by Peggy. But Hank and Bobby, for her sake, pretended it was better than normal spaghetti. In truth, it tasted the same, regardless of who made it.

Bobby was getting his daily dosage of TV. He had the channel tuned on to Cartoon Network, watching The Problem Solverz. This show had incredibly crappy flash animation and was utter garbage. Hank came in and to remind Bobby it was time for dinner we saw him watching the show. He watched as the poorly made characters were acting stupid and saying childish things laced with tasteless potty humor.

"BWAAAH! Bobby! Turn off this TV channel now! I cannot have you watching this asinine garbage!"

"But Dad, it's just Cartoon Network," said Bobby.

"Could you at least change the channel? There's nothin' but garbage here," said Hank.

Bobby changed the channel to the news. "The city of Sherman Illinois has once again been saved by Titan," said a reporter. "Sometimes I don't know where we would be without him. Or her. Or it."

Hank was intrigued at the picture of the giant robot on the TV screen. _Well, I'll be damned, _he thought. Was thing American made? Could it run on Propane? Hank had Dale spouting off rumors that it was controlled by humanoid aliens. Normally, Hank just told Dale to shut up, but after watching the news he felt that he had to reconsider...but why?

That night, Hank talked with Peggy about what he had heard. "You know, Peggy, I just had a thought: what if Dale was right about there being aliens, but they were like us? Wouldn't that be sometin', huh?"

"Yeah, I suppose it would be, but as far we know, they are no aliens whatsoever," said Peggy, "But if I became an astronaut and found a planet with them on it, they would probably all worship me as their queen!" she said. "Good night, Hank!" And she turned off the light and went to bed.

Peggy could be so full of herself at times, Hank thought. Sometimes they didn't understand each other and they disagreed. But he would always love his wife, regardless.

In Sherman, Illinois...

"Why do we have to leave, Octus?" Ilana complained. "We were beginning to love this place," she said as she, Lance, and Octus were driving away from their house for the last time.

"We had to leave because of what happened to the Rift Gate," Octus explained. "For some unknown reason, the Mutradi are being released at a slightly different location than before. The Rift Gate is no longer in space above Sherman. It is now located in such a position that any Mutradi released will crash into a different area. This other area is known as Arlen, Texas."

"So, we have to leave just because of the Rift Gate?" Lance said. "This isn't fair, Octus! What about everything we've left behind? Do you really want to never see Kimmy again?"

"I do want to see her again; it's just that Arlen and Sherman are far apart. The Mutradi could cause massive damage looking for us. We need to minimize casualties by living near the location that the Mutradi appear so that less lives are at stake."

"It does make sense," said Ilana. "I just hope something will happen and we can go back to Sherman soon. This 'Texas' place is completely different than Illinois, I've heard."

"Don't worry, Ilana; we probably just have to stay here until the Rift Gate can move back to where it was," reassured Lance.

"I have already given us new last names, by the way," said Octus. "We will be Lance, Ilana, and Newton Shackleford."

"I liked Lunis better," Ilana complained as Octus began the long trip to Texas when the sun rose.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

It was another morning in Arlen. Hank and his buddies were sipping beer in the alley, like they always did.

"Yep."

"Yep."

"Yep."

"Mm-hm."

Bill broke the ice. "Did you guys hear? They canceled another good TV show."

"Yeah, I heard," said Hank. "But what infuriates me is what they replace them with. TV shows are like employees; some, like me, work hard and honest, but others don't. Sometimes the boss never recognizes their hard work, and he fires'em. That's what that Cartoon Network did, I tell you what. It would be like Buck firing me after I had worked there for only a few years, and then him replacing me with somebody like...Luanne,"

"I know," said Bill, in an attempt to suck up to Hank.

"Joseph watched that show and hated it, and it got me thinkin'," said Dale, whipping out a cigarette. "If they're aliens, they must be in disguise. Perhaps everyone strange that we have ever met is an alien! Like Kahn! Or John Redcorn! Or even Boomhauer!" Dale exclaimed in his usual paranoid fashion.

"Shut up, Dale," said Hank.

"Yo, man, tell ya what, man, if I was a dang o'l alien, man, I'd have like, six tentacles, and dang o'l flyin saucer man, and I my own dang o'l language, man," Boomhauer replied.

"I know you're bein' sarcastic, Boomhauer," said Dale. "I guess I have no reason to be suspicious of you...except for the fact that you're always bringing women into your house late at night! For all I know, you could be experimenting on them!" Dale laughed. "But I know you better than that," said Dale.

"Tell ya what, man, let's dang o'l not talk about that," said Boomhauer nervously. He didn't want Dale to find out about his numerous girlfriends.

"You know," said Hank, "I think we're gettin' new neighbors soon. That old lady who lived alone with all those goddang lawn gnomes died," referring to the house down the street. "I gotta hunch somebody will take her place," Hank said.

"And there's the movin' van now!" said Bill. Just behind the moving van was a small, green family van.

"Oh, God," Hank, "They're one o' those soccer mom families!" Hank called to his wife. "Peggy! Get the boy inside, now!" he exclaimed. Hank and his buddies went to greet the new neighbors, still holding their Alamo beer cans. "We're gonna have to be friendly, no matter how annoying they are," Hank warned Dale, Bill, and Boomhauer.

The Galalunans emerged from the car. Octus, in his "Mr. Lunis" hologram, scanned the four Earthlings outside as the one with the glasses spoke:

"Hey there. Welcome to Arlen, Texas. We're gonna be your neighbors on Rainey Street. I'm Hank Hill, of Strickland Propane, and these are my buddies. This is Dale," the man with the glasses and orange hat gave a small nod. Octus noticed that the man named Dale had irrational and abnormal thought patterns.

"This is Bill," said Hank. The fat man in the wife-beater gave an almost comical wave.

"And this is Boomhauer," said Hank. The man with blond hair and small eyes simply said, "Yo."

Octus was a little shy for some reason. "Greetings, I am Dwight Shackleford-"

"No relation to Rusty Shackleford?" Dale asked nervously.

"No," Octus replied. "These are my children, Lance and Ilana," Octus, or Dwight, said. Hank saw a tall, muscular, dark-haired boy with untamable hair. Bill gave himself a mental reminder to give him a haircut if Dwight asked. After all, Bill was an army barber. The boy had a distant, anti-social appearance. _He must be on drugs, _thought Hank. _Does he know how much of a jiblet-head he looks with that haircut? And he needs to get his hands out of his pockets._ The boy-Lance-didn't speak. He simply walked up to the front porch of the house and headed inside. The girl, Ilana, had on a pink blouse, jeans, and flip-flops. Her hair was blond, and it formed in an almost onion-shaped dome. "Salutations!" she said, smiling. "It seems as though you are our neighbors! I'm sorry about my brother, Lance. He's a bit...distant," she said. "We just moved here from Sherman, Illinois. It's nice to meet you!" She shook Bill's hand. Bill was happy to be the first one to get a handshake. He appreciated it when anyone noticed him.

_Oh, God, they're hippies! _Hank thought when he saw her_._ "Hey there," he said. "By the way, we have a few kids in this neighborhood," Hank said. "And as block captain, I need to inform you that we only use propane here," he said.

"Then you know that propane is highly flammable, right?" Octus asked.

"I assure you, propane is ideal for both home and business, and it is a good, clean-burnin' fuel, I tell ya what," said Hank. He knew that, in time, the Shacklefords would learn to taste the meat and not the heat, just as everyone else here had.

"That is true," said Octus. Propane did not exist on Galaluna, so he had been sure to study all indigenous compounds when they had first arrived on Earth.

"Care to join us for a beer?" Hank asked.

"No thank you, I do not consume alcohol," Octus said. "I choose not to because I do want my kids to 'experiment' with it."

"I understand; I never let my boy have any, either," said Hank. This Dwight guy must be a good man.

"Hi there!" said Peggy as she, Nancy, Kahn, and Minh approached with their kids. "I am Peggy, Hank's wife, and I'm a substitute Spanish teacher and Boggle champ! This is my son, Bobby."

"HI!" Bobby said loudly. Octus noticed that the child was suffering from obesity, just like Bill.

"Hi, sugs, I'm Nancy Hicks Gribble, Dale's wife. I'm the weather girl from channel 84, so if you ever tune in, make sure you find me!" she said warmly. "This is our son, Joseph."

"Hey, dudes," he replied.

"We are Kahn and Minh Soupanosinphone," Kahn said. "This is our prodigy, Kahn Jr."

"Call me Connie, please," she said, slightly embarrassed.

"Well, it's been a pleasure meeting you all," said Ilana, "but we need to gather our stuff."

"We can help," said Hank.

"That will not be necessary," said Octus, "But we appreciate your offer."

"Nonsense," said Hank, "This is how we do things down here!" Hank said.

So the residents of Rainey Street helped the Shacklefords arrange their furniture.

"The inside of this house is the same as I dreamed it to be," said Peggy.

Hank carried Lance's guitar up to his room. When he got there, Lance was shirtless and doing push-ups.

"Uh...I've got your guitar for ya," said Hank. "Should I put it by the closet?" He asked.

Lance stopped in mid-rep and stood to his feet. "Don't touch that!" he said angrily, snatching the guitar and placing it gently beside his bed.

"Easy there," said Hank. "I had a guitar once, I wouldn't dream of damaging someone else's. Hank said. "Why didn't you say hi to us all, by the way?"

"I didn't need to," Lance, continuing his push-ups.

"Oh. Well, you could be more...friendly."

"Whatever," said Lance? He was still doing more reps. An awkward silence followed.

"See ya later," Hank said.

Lance said nothing as the Texan closed the door.

Hank returned downstairs to talk to Dwight. "By the way, we're havin' a barbecue, and I'm invitin' you guys," Hank said.

"Thank you. We will decide if we want to attend," said Octus.

When everyone left, Ilana asked, "Octus, what's a barbecue?"

Octus checked his memory banks. "A barbecue is a social occasion in which participants eat meat roasted under an open fire. This practice is common in areas of the Southeast United States. Should we attend?"

"Well, it seems to me that these people are really friendly. Much nicer than some of the people in Sherman we met, wouldn't you say?"

"I agree," said Octus. "They seem to exhibit friendliness and are hospitable," said Octus. "Perhaps the culture here differs significantly from that of Sherman's. I believe we should go to learn more about these individuals."

"We're not going!" said Lance, coming down the stairs. "Those people could be faking it. They might be trying to gain our trust, and then they'll exploit it! I don't trust them. They're...too nice. Especially the man with the glasses. He interrupted my workout to hand me my guitar. Disturbing, right?"

"Lance, stop being so paranoid," Ilana said. "These people seem to be naturally friendly, and they have no reason to attack us. Octus and I are going to go."

"Then I'll have to come, too," said Lance, "So I can protect you."

"From what?" She asked.

"Uh...propane is supposed to be flammable, right Octus?" Lance asked.

"Actually, the man called Hank seems to have an impressive knowledge of propane and propane accessories," said Octus. "We will most likely be safe. And they will be suspicious of us if we do not attend."

"Fine," Lance sighed. "We'll all go."

"Yay! Thanks, Lance!" Ilana gave Lance a hug.

Lance's heart beat a little faster whenever she hugged him so unexpectedly...


	3. Chapter 3

That evening, as the sun was setting, Hank had arranged the tables for a barbecue. A men's table, a women's table, and a kid's table. Hank made sure to add three extra seats. He wouldn't recognize the Shacklefords as their neighbors unless they went to one of his barbecues. He just hoped that they weren't charcoal people. Charcoal was the devil's fuel.

The Shacklefords came, sure enough, even Lance. Hank welcomed them to his yard. Ladybird came and gave the Galalunans a sniff. But she found that Dwight had no scent. _Ladybird's nose isn't what it used to be, _Hank thought as his teenage dog inspected the new neighbors. Lance was cautious, but when Ladybird gave a few licks, Ilana knelt down to pet her. "I like your dog," she said to Hank.

"She's a purebred Georgia bloodhound," Hank replied. "Her name's Ladybird."

"She's very affectionate, don't you think, Lance?"

"Uh, yeah," Lance said as the dog tried to sniff his groin.

"Ladybird Hill! That is a no-sniffing zone!" Hank called out. Ladybird ceased her sniffing and wandered off to search for meat scraps.

"Hi there!" said Peggy. "You kids can go sit with the others," she said, more or less escorting them to their seats.

Octus went over to the table where Dale, John Redcorn, Kahn, Bill, Boomhauer, and Hank were sitting.

"Did you guys catch the Dallas Cowboys game yesterday?" Said Hank. "Could you believe what our new linebacker did?"

"I know," Dale replied. "Oh, I'm sorry; Dwight didn't want to leave you out of the conversation. You know, just for tonight, if you want, we can talk about the Chicago Cubs. Even though I hate them."

"I do not observe sports," Octus replied.

"Oh. Well...why did you move here, then?" Bill asked, attempting to change the subject.

Octus frantically thought of an excuse. "My job required us to relocate," he replied.

"So what is it that you do for a living?" John Redcorn asked.

"I...am an accountant," Octus replied. They could all see that he had the intelligence for the job. It was a convincing lie.

"What's that like, working for the government?" Dale asked. Dale considered anyone (other than Hank) who was not self-employed to be a government worker.

"Well..." Octus began to explain the purpose of an accountant.

Meanwhile, at the kid's table, Bobby was relating the story of how he placed fake vomit under Principal Moss' desk.

"So I got up and yelled, 'Principal Moss, what did you eat, and he finally realized why we were all laughing! I got detention afterward, of course."

Only Joseph laughed. "That was really funny, dude!"

But the others didn't think so. Both Lance and Ilana noticed that Bobby seemed to hog the conversation.

Ilana asked Bobby, "Is there any way to eat the ribs without getting messy?"

"No," Bobby replied, his mouth covered in barbecue sauce. "You'll like it if you try it, Ilana."

"How do you get your hair like that?" Connie asked her.

"Well, it's actually quite easy. I just apply enough hair gel to keep it bouncy, but enough to form a shape, and then when it dries..."

Lance tuned them out. He didn't want to talk. He just wanted to sit and eat his burger. He had to admit, it had rich flavor and taste. And it wasn't ridiculously huge like the last one he had. Lance knew he couldn't socialize here, just like he couldn't in Sherman.

Out of the corner of his eye, Lance noticed that Dale was eyeing him and Ilana suspiciously. Lance didn't know if Dale was threat. But he seemed like the type of person who pursued answers when given questions...

Dale looked back at Dwight and thought to himself, _there's some other reason you came here, isn't there?_

When everyone left except Dale, he pulled Hank aside.

"Hank, our neighbors are aliens!"

"Shut up, Dale. Just because they've never been to a barbecue doesn't mean that their aliens. They might be different, but they're not aliens. And if you say that to their faces, I'm gonna kick your ass! We need to treat our new neighbors with hospitality. If I could go back to the day when the Souphanousinphones came here, I would have treated them differently. Maybe then they wouldn't be so snobbish to us all, calling us 'rednecks' and such. First impressions are everything. And that Dwight fella seemed like a reasonable guy. Maybe we could add him as a fifth member to our group...I've been the brains of us for years, maybe someone else should do it for a change."

"HOW DARE YOU SUGGEST THAT, HANK? ARE THE ALIENS CONTROLLING YOUR MIND?!" exclaimed Dale.

"Again, shut up, Dale. Do you have any proof that they're aliens?"

"Uh...no. But I can easily acquire some!"

"No, Dale. Just stick to your 'JFK fifth bullet' investigation, ok? Don't patronize our new neighbors."

"Ok, Hank," said Dale, in the tone of a disappointed child.

"Well, that was kind of fun!" said Ilana when they got home. "I learned a little more about our neighbors!"

"That was a good experience," Octus agreed.

"Stop lying to you," said Lance. "That thing sucked."

"Lance!"

"I mean it, it did. Ilana, we shouldn't be associating ourselves with these...peasants," Lance said finally, thinking of a word Ilana could understand.

"But they're all so nice," she protested. "I think they aren't the problem; it's you!"

"What?" said Lance?

"Yeah. You just hate seeing other people happy because it makes you jealous! You can't stand to see people be happy because it reminds you of how you'll always be! Sad and alone! After your father died, you figured that if you couldn't be happy, you would deliberately ruin other people's lives!"

"Don't try to turn this around, Ilana!" Lance said. It was times like these when he didn't know if he liked her or hated her.

"I'm just saying the truth, Lance."

"Don't use my father as some excuse to criticize me!" Lance yelled.

"It's not an excuse; it's a_ reason_," Ilana countered.

The fight rose in volume and began to escalate. It was loud enough for the Hills to hear.

"What do you think's going on over there?" Hank asked Peggy.

"Just teenagers, Hank," she replied.

"Why do we have to have teenage neighbors? They're all jackasses, I tell you what!" Hank said as they went to bed for the night.

And after Octus broke up their fight, Lance and Ilana went to bed, too.

But Dale was wide awake, down in his basement, conducting his alien research...


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Four

The next morning, Lance and Ilana woke up at almost the exact same time. They were heading downstairs for breakfast when they saw each other. "Lance, about last night," Ilana began. "I'm sorry for what I said about you. I shouldn't make judgments like that."

"No, Ilana, I needed to hear that from you. You really don't need to apologize. Maybe I've been a bit distant from other people. Maybe I could use this move to Arlen as a chance to open up a little more," he said, smiling.

The two teenagers went down to breakfast together. Octus had prepared waffles as a treat to try to cheer his "kids" up.

"I see that your stress levels have gone down," Octus said.

"Huh?" They both asked.

"What I mean is, teenagers often have volatile emotions," Octus said. "You two were last night, but now you've already made up."

"Whatever," said Lance?

"See?" Said Octus. "Your emotions changed slightly."

"What are you talking about?" Asked Lance. Why did adults always say that teenagers had to be moody, Lance and Ilana both thought, now slightly irritated with Octus.

But in the basement of the Gribble residence, the thoughts running through Dale's mind were no trivial matters.

Dale had gone on the internet to research Sherman, Illinois. He looked at dozens of pictures of what appeared to be a giant machine, called Titan. Was it an alien? And was it any coincidence that their new neighbors came shortly after Titan had suddenly vanished from the city? Dale wanted to put two and two together. He thought. Hmmm...That boy hadn't talked to them at all at the barbecue. And Dwight always spoke in sophisticated terms. And what was with that girl's hair? Nobody, not even Nancy, what let her hair be like that! No one Earth, that is. And why had they used the same fake identity as he did? Did they steal it from him without him knowing it?

Dale spoke into his tape diary. "Note to self, spy on other Shacklefords tonight."

Hank drove to Strickland Propane, just as he always had done for longer than he had been married to Peggy. Upon arriving there, he found Mr. Strickland in tears.

"Hey there, Mister Strickland...uh...why are ya cryin'?"

"Because, Old Top," Strickland replied, "One o' my lady friends dumped me...for Thatherton!"

Hank was accustomed to hearing about Strickland's mistresses leaving him upon discovering a richer man. But Strickland's tears were justified if she really had run off with his rival. Hank made an attempt to comfort him. He wanted Strickland to cheer up so Enrique and Joe Jack wouldn't see him crying in his office.

"Well...uh...don't worry, sir, there are plenty of other fish in the sea to uh...have relations with."

"I spose you're right, Old Top. Could you go and refill the propane tanks for me?"

"Right away, Mr. Strickland," said Hank. He would always be loyal to his corrupt boss to the end.

Back at the Shackleford residence, Lance and Ilana were driven to school in Octus' green van, as usual. Octus had enrolled them in Tom Landry High School, which was not too far from Tom Landry Middle School, where Bobby, Connie, and Joseph attended.

"I wonder if this place has a cheer captain nicer than Kimmy!" Ilana wondered. "You know, Lance, maybe this place would be great to start over in. Maybe moving to Arlen was a blessing in disguise."

"Don't push your luck," Lance replied.

As the Galalunans entered the school building, Octus analyzed some of the individuals there. All the usual classes of students were here: Jocks, nerds, cheerleaders, bullies, but there was another group Octus had not seen before. They spoke with thick Southern accents and talked mainly about football, hunting, dip, and accessive drinking. Octus checked his databanks and found that these individuals were known most commonly as "rednecks." Octus was fascinated. Here, they seemed to far outnumber jocks. Octus wondered if they were any similar to Meat. Octus began his research as he walked into class...

Ilana, meanwhile, went to her first period class. She noticed that the people here were very much like the people back in Sherman. Hopefully they didn't act as mean as them...she would find out as she walked into the science lab. It was just an old, dull man droning on and on about neutrons in a Southern drawl. Pretty much everybody was passing notes, doodling, or texting, and no one was paying attention. Not too different from Sherman. The teacher noticed Ilana entering the room. "Oh, and uh, we have a new student here. She could be here for the rest of the year, so deal with it, ok? Her name is -Ilana Lunis. Try to be nice," he said, sighing as he saw Liana's hairstyle.-

Ilana took a seat next to a group of modestly dressed girls, hoping they would be like her. They weren't. "Look," a brunette said, "Down here, we don't...have that kind of hairstyle. You're not in hippie-land anymore. Ditch that look, if you value your life."

"Well...my hairstyle is...unique," Ilana said, pathetically trying to defend herself.

"Unique? Seriously?" A blond said. "We're not all gonna just decide to like you. You have to earn our respect. And you can start by ditching the hair. And the outfit. Wear something normal so we don't go blind. Try the Arlen mall. They're having a sale on normal apparel this week."

"Hey, what gives you people the right to criticize my appearance, when you don't even know me? I haven't said one word to you until now, and you're already heartless! Is everyone around here this...cruel?"

"We're not trying to be cruel," the brunette said. "We're just being a frank. You should consider it a privilege that we even took pity on you."

Ilana couldn't take it anymore. She was just about to give those girls a piece of her mind when the bell rang, and class ended. When she left the room, she wasted no time in rushing to the bathroom. She needed a place to cry. Those girls had made her feel worthless. They were even worse than the Sherman girls. She didn't notice that she bumped into someone, and they both fell down. But nobody seemed to care. When Ilana came too, she saw had bumped into a boy. He was about her height, scrawny, with whitish blond hair and glasses. He was wearing a blue t-shirt, khaki pants, and flip-flops. Like Ilana, he was fashion law-breaker. Ilana picked up the books he had been carrying and gave them back to him.

"Sorry about that; I'm new," she said.

The boy smiled. "Well, welcome to Arlen High; I'm Gerald," he said. "Hey, have you been crying?"

Ilana didn't bother to hide it. "Yeah," she said.

"I assume the fashion police caught you," he said, staring at Liana's garb. Ilana was wearing the same outfit she had worn when she first went to Sherman High. She figured she could wear it again if she was going to start out new, hoping that the people here would accept it. But apparently not, as seen by today's events.

"Don't worry about them; they're secretly shallow and insecure. Pretty much everyone else around here is nicer," Gerald said. "Since you said you're new, why don't I show you around? We've got time."

"Okay," Ilana replied. "My name is Ilana, by the way."

"Ilana...beautiful name, and quite rare, too," Gerald observed. "You're the first person I've met in my lifetime with that name." Together, they walked through the halls of the school building, with Gerald describing most of the teachers, telling her which ones were the nicest, where the cafeteria was, how long each class lasted, and what little literature worth reading that the library had. "The library won't get any better soon; school budget," he explained. "So where are you from?"

"Sherman, Illinois," Ilana lied. Well, it was half a lie. Ilana went to the rest of her classes, not seeing Octus, Lance, or Gerald in any of them. But when school was over, she found Gerald waiting outside the classroom, asking politely if she would like to see more. When she said yes, they made small talk until they approached the gym. Ilana heard loud, rapid footsteps behind her. "I usually avoid this place, but since you're new here, I might as well show-"

And then he fell to the floor with a thud. There was a big, purple bruise on his cheek from where he was punched.

Lance, of course, was the one who punched him.

"Lance! Why did you do that?!" Ilana shouted as Gerald tried to stand to his feet.

Of course, Lance ignored her. "Ilana, why are you socializing with this stranger? You didn't even tell me. He was getting way too close to you."

"I meant no harm," Gerald groaned.

"Shut up!" said Lance. He turned back to Ilana. "Do you even know this guy's name?" he asked.

"Yes, his name is Gerald, and why did you punch him? He's the first person here that's been nice to me, and you have to go and beat up. Why?! Do you want me to be loser with no friends? You're acting the exact same way you did when we first arrived in Sherman!" Ilana replied angrily. Since Gerald was still conscious, she made sure to choose her words carefully so as not to reveal her identity.

"This place may be more dangerous than Sherman was," Lance responded. "We don't know if these people are trustworthy. How can I be sure that 'Gerald' isn't hostile? He's been with you the moment you two met!"

"How did you know that?"

"Because I was following both of you from behind."

"WHAT?! Lance, you're acting like a stalker!" Ilana shouted. "I can't believe this!" Then she walked over to Gerald, and he gave her the rest of the tour, making sure Lance wasn't on their trail. Gerald eventually said goodbye to Ilana and headed to the library, and Ilana made her way back to the entrance of the building, where Lance and Octus were waiting. Ilana was still angry at him as Octus drove them home, changing from his "Newton" form to his "Mr. Lunis/Dwight Shackleford" form. When they finally got to Rainey Street and left the car, with the teens ignoring Hank and his buddies, Ilana finally said, to Lance, "You know what? I know what this is really about. You're jealous of him! You just don't want to see any guys other than yourself get near me, do you? You probably wanted to hurt Jason, too, only you never got your chance, so you took it out on Gerald!"

"What? No!" Lance said. "The reason I punched was-"

And then, Octus accessed his audio files. He found the Animal Friends track and played it right in the alley so that Hank and the others heard it. Octus made sure to produce a holographic portable radio in his hands so that they wouldn't get suspicious as to where the music was coming from.

"OCTUS SHUT THAT UP!" The teens yelled.

"BWAAAH! Dwight, please, turns off that god dang children's song! It's too loud!"

"I apologize, Mr. Hill," he said as he lowered the volume while the teens rushed inside from embarrassment. "This helps to end conflicts between the two of them."

Dale said nothing, merely observing. Bill smiled and moved his head from side to side in time with the rhythm. "Oh, it's not so bad, Hank. I'd love to listen to this every day! Not all the time of course. Maybe if I had gotten Lenore a CD of this, we could settle our conflicts with happy music and teamwork. What band is this from, Dwight?"

"The Animal Friends," Octus replied.

"Dang ol, tell you what, man, these band names getting weirder, man, like dang ol, Echo and the Bunny men, and Ke$ha, and dang ol, Lady Gaga, man, she's a dang ol slut in them meat dresses, man," Boomhauer added.

"You said it, Boomhauer," Hank agreed. "Dwight, if you say music helps your kids, why don't you try something like Journey? Or maybe even A Flock of Seagulls?"

Octus turned off the Animal Friends soundtrack. "I am unfamiliar. Please tell me more."

While Hank was babbling away about what bands of "The good old days" were like to Octus, Lance and Ilana were inside, sitting on the couch and not speaking.

Lance sighed. "I guess you were right, Ilana. Maybe being too paranoid about threats. I just...get a little jealous when you're with other guys and not me. Of course, I understand why you would branch out. I'm terrible at being nice."

Ilana turned to face him. "No you're not," she reassured, "You're just a little unsocial. You never really wanted to depend on anyone for anything. I don't really understand that, though. But you know what? If you want to, I believe you can voluntarily change parts of your personality. You can change your weaknesses into strengths. I know that, because of your father, you've been force into becoming indifferent, but I think that you should try to open up. You've already opened up to me."

Lance thought about what she said. "You're probably right. But when did I ever open up to you?"

"When you danced with me at the Homecoming," she replied. "I know we made a connection. Besides, it was your idea to cheer me up. It was one of the best moments of my life. I could just sense my father was there, in a crazy way. And...He was smiling at us. It was like he approved. Lance, do you ever think that my father wanted you to protect me so that... we would fall in love?" She regretted saying it as soon as she said it.

"I don't know," he said, walking up the stairs to his room. He didn't want to think about it right then, and Ilana could tell.

So she decided to just let him be. Ilana then thought of Gerald. He was a great friend, but nothing more. They couldn't be together. He was a smart bookworm, and she was...well, not a bookworm. She decided to not think about love right now. It was all so complicated.

Octus came in and made dinner. The three of them ate in silence, and went to bed as the moon rose in Arlen.

But little did anyone know that Dale was wide awake. Sneaking out from his basement that night, he quietly crossed the rooms of his house carrying nanobot cameras. He had acquired these from a Russian who had apparently been a former successful cartoon creator. He opened his front door ever so quietly, sneaking out into the street just as John Redcorn was entering the house through the back door...

Dale approached the Shackleford house after performing several klutzy ninja-like moves. Dale pressed a button from a remote he was also carrying. This supposedly shut down the security system that the Shacklefords had, but they obviously never got one, seeing as they had Octus. Unfortunately, the signal of the remote was at a frequency which temporarily shut down Octus' scanners. It was sort of like Octus couldn't see, hear, or feel. He never even saw it coming. The smoke and nicotine from Dale's cigarettes prevented him from detecting him before it was too late. Dale opened the door and went inside. He planted nanobot cameras all over the house: Two in the kitchen, two in the living room, one in Lance's room, one in Ilana's room, and even one in the bathroom (But not aimed at the bathtub, just the sink. Dale's no pervert.) When he approached the room Octus usually was, however, he was utterly shocked. He uttered a quiet "Gih!" in surprise. He saw Octus' triangular head inside his gel body, with all the small bubbles surrounding him, each one monitoring different areas of the house, save one which checked the Rift Gate. Dale had to muster what little courage he had to not scream in fear. He closed the door and quickly and quietly fled the house. Octus managed to reboot just as Dale left. He had no idea that Dale had set up the nanobot cameras, or that he had even broken in. He just thought it was a glitch in his programming...


End file.
